he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
