i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
