Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
