Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
