Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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