I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
