Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
