carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I need a burrito and a hug.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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