I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
