i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
