can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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