I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
