mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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