I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
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we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize