I want to have your abortion
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
