I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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