i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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