did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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