he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
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I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
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I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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