No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
