You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
