I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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