Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
