I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
