i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
