Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
