Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
