Whod you bang
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
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no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
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I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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