Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
is that a dick in a sweater?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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