Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
