im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
