whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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