singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
