My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
