Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
