I could make wine with my vomit
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
