i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
