Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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