shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
