I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
