I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
