If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
