I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
