kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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