I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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