I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I did not marry a roomba.
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