Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
