Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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