you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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