my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
