Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
