i was rollin on her like bob the builder
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
