so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Randomize