my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
