I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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