The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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