dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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