I want to have your abortion
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize