Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
