Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
