i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
