my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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