i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
