He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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