dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just puked most of my soul out..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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