Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
