Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
