If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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