That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
