i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
as a side note pls kill me
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