I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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