I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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