I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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