I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
