Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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