I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
