My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
