My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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