I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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