I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
