Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's blow job season.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
