Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
