my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
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just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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